E i l u j i o n

Since I’ve been back from visiting my adoptive-parents, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my birth-mother. Our conversations have been a rhythm of chit chat occasionally mixed with that one good call.

We had that one good call a few days ago. I told her how much I missed her. She said she felt like she was just waiting for me to come back. She rarely tells me how she is feeling and I feel uncomfortable when I keep asking her. I feel like I’m annoying her. Part might be her personality, but part might be related to suppressing her feelings for so long. I told her that I needed reassurance that she would be there for me, but part of me wonders if she can do this if she can’t be there for herself.

Through my on-line research about adoption, I found some interesting information about ‘birth-mother syndrome‘. It seems like she has many of these symptoms, but again, I can’t tell if it as a result of the adoption experience or not.

This morning I bought her The Girls Who Went Away, which is a book by an adoptee who is also an artist. After finding her birth-mother she went and interviewed other birth-mothers, who gave birth in the 50’s and 60’s, about their experiences. I wanted to buy her this book because I know that she hasn’t gone to therapy and that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Yet, when I spoke to her this morning, I wasn’t even able to tell her I bought the book for her. I didn’t want her to think I was imposing.

I want to be there for her. I want to help her. I want to talk to her. I need help in breaking through these boundaries. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do?