E i l u j i o n


A Trip ~ Like a Dream
April 4, 2009, 10:01 pm
Filed under: adoption, Synchronicity | Tags: , , , , ,

img_4596cI just returned from an interview for a good position in Colorado. I had only applied for this position and was able to get an in person interview. They flew me out and I stayed for the week, so I could spend some time with my birthmother. How amazing would it be to have a position that furthered my career in proximity to my birth family.

I feel as if I am in a dream ~ swept away by the force of the universe…



Job Near Birthmother and Extended Family
March 3, 2009, 12:50 am
Filed under: adoption, Synchronicity | Tags: , , , ,

flyngmchnWay back in December, I applied for a job in Colorado which had come to me in a round about way. I hadn’t been applying for jobs, but the description of this one was wonderful and it was right in proximity to my birthfamily. Since then I’ve had a couple of phone interviews and today I received an e-mail that they want to fly me out for an in person interview at the end of the month. I feel like this is such a miracle and I’m totally overwhelmed. To live in proximity to my birthfamily would be pretty incredible.

I’ve also been on a search for a cousin in the family who is an artist. This is a link to an earlier entry on the topic. I ended up meeting with a colleague of his who showed me a lot of different kinds of illustration work he created. His colleague had said that he hadn’t heard from him in a while and was concerned about him. He knew that he had a daughter. After that meeting, I started searching for his daughter and recently found her. I also found out that he is still alive. I am waiting to hear back from her to see where all of his artwork is and if it is archived. She wrote this on my Facebook wall ~ Hi, long lost cousin Julie, gosh you do look alot like the family. I am just awe struck. Please send me e-mails when you can. I want to get to know you better.

The image attached to this post is one of his illustrations.



Both Sides Now
October 6, 2007, 8:19 pm
Filed under: adoption, Synchronicity

A few weeks ago I woke up and read about the chrysalis. It seemed to represent feeling in between two states of being.

What I didn’t realize was that I was actually entering into a state of hibernation.

I feel as if I have been processing the fact that I now have two mothers. The reality of this is slowly setting in. I never realized what a fundamental change to my sense of self this experience would have.

When I first found my birth-mother, I did have the feeling of being different after meeting her. I didn’t expect for it to take us over 10 years to just get used to the fact that the other one actually exists.

Today I caught a glimpse of a documentary which featured Joni Mitchell. In her interview she speaks of starting to write songs after she gave up her daughter for adoption. She specifically mentioned the song “Both Sides Now” as an attempt to capture that state of being between.

I had done the above, stream on consciousness, animation today and afterward, when composing this post, thought of …  ‘little green‘ …

In this second wave of connecting, it seems as if we are entering a new phase of coming together.

V ~ Joni Mitchell – “Both Sides Now” – 1970

V ~ Joni Mitchell – “A Birth-Mother Finding Her Daughter”



Universe Lining Up
September 25, 2007, 12:49 am
Filed under: adoption, Synchronicity

IMG_6433.JPGIn the morning I had done some searching for cousins from my birth-family. I found one named Josh, who’s myspace page looked interesting.

I also told a friend about looking at the adoption.com listing of foster kids waiting to be adopted. I remember noticing how many pages of 17 year olds there were.

Later on that afternoon, while I was preparing the blog entry about my birth-grandmother, I was flipping though the Sunday movies and stopped on “Candleshoe“, a movie from 1977 with Jodie Foster that I had never seen. I even had a copy of “Freaky Friday” out from Netflix at the time which stars Jodie Foster, in 1976, as the same tomboy character she became known for.

While I was watching the movie, the plot began to unravel as pages to a book that I had already knew. There were a group of foster kids which were taken into the house of an older woman. Jodi Foster played a tomboy who was taken from her parents by criminals and disguised as the older woman’s long lost granddaughter. There was a hidden treasure in the older woman’s house.

The clues to the treasure were revealed:

  • It’s all in a painting of Captain Joshua
  • His ship is called the eclipse
  • The painting reminded a woman of her father
  • She took the painting on a freight train
  • The kids chase her down in an old British cab
  • Grandma, with her cane, sits on the tracks to stop the train
  • Rain is pouring in

The fact that the movie was about foster kids, was enough … but there were more symbols embedded in the randomness of this encounter …

  • Jodi Foster was posing as a long lost granddaughter while I was writing the blog entry about my birth-grandmother.
  • I had just had the experience with the Johsua name.
  • I’ve always had an affinity with ships and captains.
  • While I was visiting my birth-mother this summer there was a lunar eclipse.
  • The clue to the treasure was on a painting and I just discovered an artist in the family.
  • The woman who had the painting had it because it reminded her of her father. There’s that longing that comes from seeing familiarity in family resemblance.
  • The kids are driving the British Cab. I was told the artist kept one in his garage.
  • My birth-mother and I both have a connection to trains. The tracks were blocked by the grandmother. She was the one who made the decision to give me up.
  • It was pouring rain and hailing when I first came to visit my birth-mother this summer to help her go through her mother’s stuff after she passed away. (The long lost granddaughter returning, but feeling like an impostor.)

I’m not sure what all this means, but I feel such a … presence … such an … absence.



Birth-Grandmother
September 23, 2007, 8:01 pm
Filed under: adoption, Synchronicity

I compared a picture of myself to one of my birth-grandmother when she was younger. I took the picture of myself May 3, 2007, unaware that this was the day she died.

I had just finished conducting the final critiques for the animation class I had taught at Penn. I remember feeling like I had to take a picture of myself, proud, but extremely exhausted. I was feeling depleted, but I wanted to capture the moment. I remember thinking of her and not knowing why.

My birth-mother called while I was putting the images together.

If I wasn’t able to confirm the dates, I wouldn’t believe it myself. When I put my image next to hers, I know that she was there with me at that moment in time. I can see her in me.



Artist in the Family
September 22, 2007, 1:32 am
Filed under: adoption, Creativity, Synchronicity

IMG_9577.JPG
This is a picture that my birth-mother picked out of her cousin’s garbage when she was visiting him as a child. He didn’t think it was good enough and it was throwing it away. She took it. He was about 10 years older than her. Her family stopped visiting. Her father called his father a communist, though it sounds like he was a socialist who liked to talk a lot.

When I found my birth-family and they learned that I was an artist, my birth-grandmother said, “We only have one artist in the family.” She referred to him. No other direction was given to me. I did not make the initiative to contact him. It was just a fact and I was fascinated with the drawing. I felt such an affinity with the line-work.

Now that I’ve come back, his name came up again. This time I looked him up online. I found a website with samples of his work. I e-mailed the person hosting the site with his work. I have more information, but still haven’t been able to locate him.

The information I found was very interesting. He was into underground comics and also collected photographs and photo related items. These are two areas that I too am interested in. He also taught art related content in higher ed. He was published in various magazines, newspapers, and collections. He seems to be known as a satirical illustrator.

I wonder how much is inherited . . . It is as if we are different fragments of an original spirit.



Love of My Life
September 11, 2007, 1:30 pm
Filed under: adoption, Synchronicity

IMG_6439.JPGI had an experience yesterday which I might be projecting onto. I know that sometimes things happen and they’re called coincidences, but I feel like they’re just messages from the larger force of the universe and confirmations that I’m on the right track.

My birth-mother finally looked at the pictures I have been sending her. (Maybe she somehow knew that I wrote about it.) I was out and about and had a feeling. I felt her. I was running errands, had just made a purchase and was sitting in the car. When flipping through the radio, I stopped on a song I had not heard before. “Love Of My Life“, by Carly Simon. I had this overwhelming feeling of awe when I realized that the song was being sung from a mother to a child.

Now, right now, while writing this, I went online to get the link to the lyrics and found a YouTube video of the music video for the song. I had no idea that the song was used in the movie “This is My Life” starring Julie Kavner and clips are inter-cut into the video. I am not a popular culture fanatic and I definitely don’t have star worship, but for some reason I have always loved Julie Kavner. Actually, she is probably the only celebrity that I have expressed an affinity to. When they cast her in the Simpsons as Marge with a blue bouffant, I couldn’t believe it, because I’ve always had a fascination with bouffants. I even directed a variety show act in high school where I styled my back up singers with multi-colored bouffant wigs. I have an autographed picture of Julie Kavner from “This is My Life”, though I’ve loved her in everything I’ve seen her in.

So, this synchronicity seems to imply, that the signals are there, they just need to be read… I know the approximate time when I heard this song on the radio because I have the receipt from my purchase with the time printed on it. I know the approximate time she looked at the pictures because she sent an e-mail response which also has the time on it.

The time on both was 8:35pm.

I am assuming that after looking at the pictures, she took the time to think about them and me. This would have been the same exact time I was sitting in the car feeling her, hearing the song.