E i l u j i o n


Another Letter to Birthfather
February 27, 2009, 1:04 am
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , , , ,

1332539601_9274d1d120_mI just sent another letter to my supposed birthfather:

Hello ~

I hadn’t heard back from you and thought that I might as well follow through.

The fact that you pulled yourself off of Facebook and the fact that you won’t respond to my e-mail, makes me think that this situation is more to you than you can deal with.

It’s O.K…

If I am of your flesh – that is good. If I’m not, then you’re just helping someone though a transition in their life. Everything happens for a reason.

I believe that you could provide some valuable information ~ family heritage, medical history and a picture or two. I’m sure there are good people in your family and I’m sure you can find some of that goodness in your heart.

Think of it as points on your record ~ your redemption for whatever sins might be haunting you. I am a wonderful person, with all the best intentions ~ let’s put this behind us.

What a great thing to give up for lent ~ resistance…

I look forward to hearing back from you… soon (hopefully)…

Sincerely ~ Julie

Attached is a picture of myself…

He responded within 2 hours. This is what he said ~

Julie

Sorry that I haven’t written back to you.Ihave been very sick and one of my daughter’s is sick and mught be put in the hospita; and this breaks me up real bad.I am not your father in any way;I couldn’t download yiur picture.

Ray



Birthmother Acknowledgement
February 23, 2009, 4:36 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

1352603800_ecaa8d0748_mI have finally spoken the my birthmother after she said that she needed space. It was good to talk. We talked a lot ~ or I think I talked a lot. She called a couple of days ago and we spoke in the morning and the evening for about two hours during each call. Then we spoke the next day. It just so happens, that day, I had a breakdown with my partner. We have now taken a break from each other. Our fight had nothing directly to do with my birthmother. When I told my birthmother that we were taking space apart and how upset I was, she immediately offered to be there for me and ‘come get me’ if that was necessary. This struck a cord with me because I have been asking her to visit for quite a long time and she hasn’t. Does it have to come to such a crisis in order for her to really be there for me? Why wouldn’t she realize that a visit from her may have eased some of the tension in my life? I feel it’s almost as if she can’t validate my life as it is. She wants to take me into her life and have me there, but has a hard time acknowledging who I am. This is a very stressful struggle. I feel that since I found her, my sense of self has changed profoundly, yet I’m not sure how to incorporate it into my life, to create a new life, validating the person I feel inside.



Picture of Birthsister Found on Facebook
February 21, 2009, 2:50 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

kimI have not heard anything from my birthfather and he hasn’t opened up the e-mail again. I did go searching around on Facebook, where I originally found him, and saw that he had a daughter. Her icon picture was of her kids, who I found out from my birthmother’s brief conversation with him, are also adopted. So, I couldn’t see her picture. I saw that she was married, and her husband had his picture as his icon. I was able to see his profile, because I had joined their regional network. He had a few more pictures of himself and some of their thee adopted kids. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t see her picture. I decided to take a look at some of her friends profiles who were also part of the regional network. Luckily, the first one that I chose had three tagged pictures of her. This one is the first one I saw.



Letter to Birthfather
February 19, 2009, 8:14 am
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

1342960012_311c0a0ddd_mSince my birthfather has rejected my birthmother’s attempt to communicate, I decided to send him a letter myself. I e-mailed it and used Did they Read It in order to track it. (If you sign up, you get to track 10 e-mails free for a month.) I was able to see that two hours after I sent the e-mail, he opened it for just a second (literally) and then two hours later, he opened it for about two minutes. This is what I said:

Hello ~

Recently Eileen contacted you regarding the fact that you guys worked together at Hillman’s grocery store in the suburbs of Chicago. She feels strongly that you are my birthfather, because she wasn’t with anyone else at the time. Though I can’t be certain whether or not you are my birthfather, I just wanted to contact you myself.

I understand that this is a strange situation, but I want you to know that I don’t want or expect anything from you. I don’t want to intrude on or disrupt your life or your family, I simply want to know something about my background.

I was adopted into a loving family, but like anybody who grows up adopted, I feel a particular need to to find out about my heritage and family history, and whether there are health issues I should know about. It would mean the world to me to know what nationality your family is… what your medical history is … and to see a picture of you.

I hope you can find compassion for my curiosity. I would be very grateful for your generosity. The information you could provide me would render a strong sense of peace.

Thank you for your time ~ Julie

This morning, I checked the tracking and noticed that he opened it once again, 15 minutes after I posted this.

Now it is the evening and I’ve noticed that he has opened it again.



Adoptive Mother Offers Support
February 17, 2009, 1:41 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

2674420043_cc6b3b14c3_mThroughout this experience with my birthfather rejecting my birthmother’s existence, my adoptive mother has been very supportive. Her father left their family when she was young and she has been able to empathize with my pain. She wanted to make herself available to my birthmother but didn’t want to make my birthmother feel uncomfortable by calling. She asked me to send her an e-mail explaining how she felt and to make her number and e-mail available.
I sent the following e-mail:

Claudette wanted you to know that even though she can’t totally understand your specific experience of having given up a child, she feels that you both share something. Not being able to have a child was very painful to her. She said that she knows people who have given up children and adopted children and she would be glad to talk to you. Her cell phone number is … or her e-mail address is … ~ love ~ j



Birthmother Needs Space
February 16, 2009, 4:45 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , ,

1323982748_8820aad4fb_mI have been corresponding with my birthmother ever since my birthfather denied any involvement in her life. She just sent me this e-mail: Julie, I wish you would finally realize I am there for you….I love you so much…but I feel like this last episode really put us back not forward….I have been in bed since Friday… canceled valentines day…oh well… I hope to talk to you soon…I’m just not ready yet…
Love you forever and ever..
hugs and kisses, mom



Working it out with my Birthmother
February 15, 2009, 11:52 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , ,

1415449978_442bd2f84e_mWe’ve exchanged e-mails the past few days. To my surprise, first she wrote to me:

Julie,
Just wanted to say good night and that I love you very much…. not going to say much because I don’t want to say something I will regret…
Mom

Then I wrote back:

Mom ~
I love you too and I don’t want you to say anything you will regret… I hope you never regret anything you say to me ~ I know it comes from a place of love …
Lots of hugs and kisses ~ Julie

Then she wrote the next day:

I hope you had a better day today…how are you feeling?
good night and sleep well
love
mom

She also sent a Valentine e-card that had a character holding back a big blob that eventually exploded with love and the character came back frazzled saying something like, let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you… I wrote back:

mom ~ Thanks for the Valentine ~ very cute way of showing how you feel… Did you get my Valentine too? I’m pushing forward ~ your asking me how I feel means a lot… 🙂
love ~ julie

Then she wrote today:

just wanted to see how you are dealing…miss talking to you…
hope you had a good valentines day…
love you
mom

Then I sent this:

mom ~ each time you reach out to me with compassion, each time you come to me to see how i’m doing, each time you give me a hug ~ something is healed. A hole in my heart is filled. I am reaching out to other adoptees who share my experience and it is not unique. The problem is, is that there is no road map as to how to move forward. We just need to keep moving. I’m with you and I hope you can be with me. love ~ julie