E i l u j i o n


Another Attempt to Contact Birthfather
March 22, 2009, 4:25 am
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , , , ,

1216006314_478d7d4659I contacted my birthfather again ~ this is what I said….

Ray ~

It was good to hear back from you. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. You had mentioned that one of your daughters was sick as well ~ I hope she is ok. Do you have more than one daughter?

I am not one to give up easily, because I feel that we are all on a journey in this life. It might not take us where we would like, but it takes us there none the less. It is important for me to find out who I am.

Since Eileen is convinced that you are my birthfather and you won’t respond to my request for basic information, I would like to suggest that we verify or refute the facts in a formal/scientific way.

I would like to request that you take a DNA test in order to know the truth once and for all. I can take care of all the arrangements for the test.

If this is something you are not comfortable with, then please provide me with the basic medical, genetic and family information that I previously requested.

Again, I don’t want anything from you, but this basic information.

Attached is a picture of myself, hopefully you can see it this time…

If not you can see my picture on my facebook profile at http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=1484440614&ref=nam e

~ Julie



Connecting with Birth Grandfather’s Family
March 20, 2009, 2:22 am
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

edithkrasnikI’ve now connected with members of my birth grandfather’s family ~ my birth mother’s father’s family. This is a picture of my great grandmother, his mother. I’ve connected with the family through Facebook and Geni. They even added me to their family tree. This is a big deal. I’ve always felt a disconnect between the family tree experience and my adoptive family. I felt that I had a relationship to those I knew, but when it came to distant ancestors, I just couldn’t find a connection. When seeing the ancestors in this family, I am moved. I am also moved by being in contact with those who are alive. Thank you internet!



Another Letter to Birthfather
February 27, 2009, 1:04 am
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , , , ,

1332539601_9274d1d120_mI just sent another letter to my supposed birthfather:

Hello ~

I hadn’t heard back from you and thought that I might as well follow through.

The fact that you pulled yourself off of Facebook and the fact that you won’t respond to my e-mail, makes me think that this situation is more to you than you can deal with.

It’s O.K…

If I am of your flesh – that is good. If I’m not, then you’re just helping someone though a transition in their life. Everything happens for a reason.

I believe that you could provide some valuable information ~ family heritage, medical history and a picture or two. I’m sure there are good people in your family and I’m sure you can find some of that goodness in your heart.

Think of it as points on your record ~ your redemption for whatever sins might be haunting you. I am a wonderful person, with all the best intentions ~ let’s put this behind us.

What a great thing to give up for lent ~ resistance…

I look forward to hearing back from you… soon (hopefully)…

Sincerely ~ Julie

Attached is a picture of myself…

He responded within 2 hours. This is what he said ~

Julie

Sorry that I haven’t written back to you.Ihave been very sick and one of my daughter’s is sick and mught be put in the hospita; and this breaks me up real bad.I am not your father in any way;I couldn’t download yiur picture.

Ray



Picture of Birthsister Found on Facebook
February 21, 2009, 2:50 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

kimI have not heard anything from my birthfather and he hasn’t opened up the e-mail again. I did go searching around on Facebook, where I originally found him, and saw that he had a daughter. Her icon picture was of her kids, who I found out from my birthmother’s brief conversation with him, are also adopted. So, I couldn’t see her picture. I saw that she was married, and her husband had his picture as his icon. I was able to see his profile, because I had joined their regional network. He had a few more pictures of himself and some of their thee adopted kids. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t see her picture. I decided to take a look at some of her friends profiles who were also part of the regional network. Luckily, the first one that I chose had three tagged pictures of her. This one is the first one I saw.



Letter to Birthfather
February 19, 2009, 8:14 am
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

1342960012_311c0a0ddd_mSince my birthfather has rejected my birthmother’s attempt to communicate, I decided to send him a letter myself. I e-mailed it and used Did they Read It in order to track it. (If you sign up, you get to track 10 e-mails free for a month.) I was able to see that two hours after I sent the e-mail, he opened it for just a second (literally) and then two hours later, he opened it for about two minutes. This is what I said:

Hello ~

Recently Eileen contacted you regarding the fact that you guys worked together at Hillman’s grocery store in the suburbs of Chicago. She feels strongly that you are my birthfather, because she wasn’t with anyone else at the time. Though I can’t be certain whether or not you are my birthfather, I just wanted to contact you myself.

I understand that this is a strange situation, but I want you to know that I don’t want or expect anything from you. I don’t want to intrude on or disrupt your life or your family, I simply want to know something about my background.

I was adopted into a loving family, but like anybody who grows up adopted, I feel a particular need to to find out about my heritage and family history, and whether there are health issues I should know about. It would mean the world to me to know what nationality your family is… what your medical history is … and to see a picture of you.

I hope you can find compassion for my curiosity. I would be very grateful for your generosity. The information you could provide me would render a strong sense of peace.

Thank you for your time ~ Julie

This morning, I checked the tracking and noticed that he opened it once again, 15 minutes after I posted this.

Now it is the evening and I’ve noticed that he has opened it again.



Birthmother Hangs Up
February 14, 2009, 1:41 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , , , ,

1323100601_c3984fe453_mEver since my birthmother surged forward to contact my birthfather, she has not acknowledged my emotions. Right after it happened, she didn’t call. I called her that evening and she was very upset. I didn’t realize that it would have upset her so much. When I asked her why she didn’t call me, she got angry and hung up on me. I immediately called her back and said I wasn’t angry at her for hanging up on me ~ that I just wanted to be there for each other. The next day I decided not to bring it up and just engage in the small talk she is so comfortable with. I thought that if I gave her a chance to deal, that eventually she would acknowledge my pain. The next time we spoke, she again didn’t mention it. I tried to have a ‘rational’ conversation about my emotions. I told her that she had taken me on a roller-coaster and didn’t realize that she would be scared too ~ but once she realized this, I needed her to acknowledge that I was scared too, since she had been the one who had taken me on the ride. She seemed to get this. I told her that I needed her to acknowledge my pain somehow. I didn’t hear anything from her and the next time she called, I was pretty upset. She didn’t like this. It is almost as if she exploded. I didn’t know what was going on, so I said, “Why don’t you just hang up on me…” and she did. Then she called back and said, “Be careful what you ask for… I’m not hanging up on you!” Then she hung up. I called her back and said, “I’m only asking to be acknowledged.” She kept saying that she didn’t know what to do and that I needed help. She said, “Don’t call me until you get some help!” My head was exploding. I couldn’t take it.

The other day, before this explosion happened, I composed this e-mail to her but never sent it:

Just because I called Ray a jerk doesn’t mean that my feelings aren’t hurt too. Your feelings were hurt and I didn’t realize that you would be so affected. I didn’t let my feelings get hurt when you hung up on me or when I called back and I could hear you in the background irritated because Stan handed the phone to you. I rose above it all to be there for you. You know I’m there for you. The next day when I had that nightmare about Mary and her family, you mentioned that you felt bad for the kids whose father didn’t want to have anything to do with them. You said that you thought if affected the boy more than the girls. It doesn’t. It hurts all around. It hurts me that you said to me before you hung up, that this is the best it gets. You couldn’t be there for me then because your feelings were hurt too. I know you have to be there for yourself first, but if you can’t be there for me, it hurts more than anything you can imagine. You haven’t asked me how I’m doing regarding it and maybe you don’t know what to say. By not saying anything, you are hurting me. I know you don’t want to and I don’t know what to do. When you show empathy for those kids and are there for them, it hurts me. I need you. I am your daughter. Whether I’m 40 or 4 ~ I’m still your daughter. I need you to reach out to me. You say you don’t write letters, but what about a quick e-mail just making sure I’m ok. What about a quick note on my facebook saying that you’re there for me ~ what about some sort of reaching out? Remember when you said you would meet me half way? I’m half way to nowhere and I need you. I’ve been rejected too. I’ve been rejected by someone whose blood runs through me veins. It hurts. I need you to find it within yourself to show me some empathy. I need to you hug me long distance. Please, please, please ~ and remember it goes both ways ~ I love you so much….



Birthfather in Denial
February 10, 2009, 6:35 pm
Filed under: adoption | Tags: , , , ,

zis57mux_mediumSo my birthfather called my birthmother. She said she told him about me in between small talk. Ten minutes later he then sent this e-mail:

I am still trying to picture how we know each other.Do you have a picture that you can to me via E Mail.I am a little puzzled..Why do you want me to contact your daugther? Are you married?

I have to end it here.We are having friends of ours over for dinner.I will looking forward to hearing from you.

She then sent this picture of herself and responded:

This is my high school picture from 1966….I have brown hair and green eyes…We dated in 1967 for several months…. I met you at Hillmans…I was a cashier…I got pregnant approx 12/67 with your daughter…when I told you I was pregnant you were very ugly to me and told me to get lost…you said you were just trying to see how many girls you could get pregnant…and would not talk to me anymore…I was financially unable to take care of her and had to give her up for adoption…15 years ago she found me and wanted info on her father…I was unable to locate you until now….I must admit I wasn’t trying hard.
I just wanted you to contact her or I can have her contact you…she has many questions regarding your family….and all her history…especially medically…
Her name is Julie Lynn Goldstein…she lives in Philadelphia….she has a production studio…she is a animator….and also does documentaries…..her birthday is 8/12/68…
Yes I am married…32yrs ….I also have 2 sons 25 & 27….
It would be really nice if you would contact her or let me know if you won’t…I can also have her contact you if you want….she is your daughter….if you want we can dna test but I’m 100% sure she is yours….you were the only person I dated at that time … I don’t want anything more than her knowing her father it means so much to her…

He then responded:

Sorry to give you some bad news,but,I have never dated anyone form Hillmans,That why I didn’t recognize your name.I am not her father,You have me confused with someone else.

I would appreciate it if you would find the right person.AS i am not the person.

I asked her to e-mail him back and ask for his picture, but he never responded. He pulled himself off of Facebook.